Open Fire
by Twiddler83
Summary: *WINNER OF THE JUDGES VOTE - HOLLY JOLLY HOLIDAY O/S CONTEST* Wishing to begin the life she thinks she wants, Bella must leave behind the past that haunts her. As she attempts to close and lock one final door, what will lie ahead for her? Open fire, or charred ember. O/S ExB Romance/Drama HEA Rated MA


Title: Open Fire

Pairing: Edward & Bella

Rating: M

Applicable Warnings: I don't own Edward and Bella or Twilight - those rights belong to SM.

Beta: SunflowerFran3759

Pre-Reader: WitchyVampireGirl

BPOV

"Oh, Isabella – you're home! You gotta see this! Grab me a beer on the way."

_Oh Jesus, what does he want now?_

"Sure babe." I walk to the fridge pulling out a beer after I hang up my coat and put my keys in the dish on the side table. I then turn to walk into the living room where Garrett is sitting watching the television laughing his ass off.

"You have to see this. Watch these crazy rednecks. They are all about cutting wood with saws and shit." He laughs even louder as one guy falls off the plank.

"I don't understand. What's so funny about it, sweetie?" I ask matter of fact. It takes a lot of hard work to accomplish those skills.

"Who in the world has lumberjack competitions? I mean seriously – who gets that crazy about chopping wood?"

Shaking my head I say to him, "I'm going to go change; it's been a long day. I'm exhausted."

I lean over for a kiss, but instead, he takes a long pull from his beer. Not being greeted when I get home is nothing new. It's what I've come to expect. Garrett isn't always the most romantic man, but he's practical. It's something I've grown accustomed to over the years. He's extremely materialistic and set in his own ways. This is what I've wanted, what I needed. _Different._ Not the usual. He's the complete opposite of what I've had in my past. We've been together for three years now and I'm perfectly happy where we stand. He completes me.

When he finally removes the beer from his lips, I finally get to show him some kind of affection. Kissing him on the cheek, I turn to head toward our room when my phone beeps alerting me of a text message. I spin around and walk over to my purse pulling out my cell and notice that it's a message from Alice.

Call me ASAP! ~A

Give me 2 minutes ~B

Can't wait, call me NOW! ~A

Waiting until I get into the room, I scroll until I see Alice's name and hit the send button. She answers on the first ring.

"O-M-G, Isabella. Are you sitting down?" she squeals into the phone.

"No, not at this moment. I'm changing. What the hell is the big deal?" I ask, not understanding her enthusiasm.

"Well sit your ass down!" she yells a little louder as I move to sit on the bed.

"There! I'm sitting," I sigh as my ass slides across the mattress, scooting up to sit against the headboard.

"Okay – okay. So last night, you know how the guys had their night and stuff. Well, Jasper came home a little tipsy and spilled some major beans, Isabella. I guess they were talking about one another's New Year's plans, and Garrett told them he plans on you guys spending the evening together – alone."

I huff, "I already knew this, Alice."

A nice evening alone, just the two of us with no outside interruptions considering it hardly ever happens that way. Hence, why I'm not that excited because I know something will come up and he will have to leave. It's always something for his job, someone always needing him. I keep my emotions in check when it does happen.

The last time I threw a fit, it was thrown in my face that I would not be sitting eating at a fancy dinner if he brushed off people that needed him at a moment's notice. I make my own money – I could eat out anywhere if I wanted to. But he's my best friend, and I shouldn't be selfish, but in some ways I am.

I push those feelings aside as I finally zone in on what Alice is jabbering on and on about.

"Would you stop and listen to me woman? That's not the only thing he has up his sleeve. He's going to propose, Isabella. To you! On New Years! Oh my lord, just imagine the dresses, the suits, the flowers, the music, and the dancing. Bless his little heart, he's finally pulled his head out of his derriere and he's going to finally make an honest woman out of you!" She laughs as I hear her clapping.

I gasp, "Shut the hell up. You're serious?" I ask. _No – no, no, no! _

"Ain't that the berries?" I hear her sigh and giggle.

"Alice, you know what I always say. Don't count your chickens until they hatch." I'm trying to channel my inner hope that this whole situation couldn't possibly be happening. It's not that I don't want it to happen, it's just sudden. Well, not really sudden. You know what I mean.

"Well, I think this time is the right time. I don't want you to get caught with your pants down." She laughs, "You need to fix that little _problem_ you have, ya know."

I nod. "Listen, I got to go. I'll call ya later tonight." I hang up the phone and head over to the dresser to change out of my work clothes before heading back into the kitchen to start dinner. I grab hold of the top of the dresser trying to get my breathing under control before I make my way back out there. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I notice that I'm completely pale and I'm breathing erratically.

_This cannot be happening. _

As I push myself up, I take a few calming breaths that, in a way, help. Still breathing deeply I head for the kitchen. When I start to make my way through the living room, I pause when I hear a name that has been on my mind since I've talked to Alice.

"_In the next heat for the Standing Block Chop, we have Edward Cullen from Grand Rapids, Minnesota and Emmett McCarty from right here in the heart of Hayward."_

Hearing those commentators announce his name, sends unwanted chills up my spine. I'm finding my feet carrying me toward the television against my will, to stand there with my chin almost hitting the floor.

Garrett breaks through my thoughts. "They think that shit is hard? I mean who honestly thinks that grabbing an axe, swinging it a couple times, would be considered a damn sport? Pathetic!" he sneers. "You would think people would get out of the backwoods and do something for themselves." His eyes are glued to the screen as I stand there and watch Edward swinging the axe over and over again making a huge dent in the block.

_What happened to the boy who worked for his father's logging company?_

The thought crosses my mind so fast, I have no time to stop it.

"I guess these flannel-covered hillbillies do provide entertainment for us normal folks." He chuckles.

I stand there and watch as Edward wins the round. Sliding his axe handle down until the metal part reaches his hands and he raises his arms up in victory.

And suddenly I'm outraged.

. . . . .

"This is not where I want to be."

"This is not where I want to be."

"This is not where I want to be." I chant the mantra to no one but myself. People are probably thinking I'm a crazy, psycho, loon, but I don't give a shit. My nerves are agitated, and my stress level is at an all-time high. It's not adrenaline running through me, it's pure hatred.

_God dammit!_

"_Thank you for flying Delta Airlines, flight four forty-three from Raleigh to Minneapolis/St. Paul International Airport. We have arrived and will be approaching the gate in approximately five minutes."_

The captain announces my arrival back to the state that I swore I would never step foot in again. If the damned man would have just signed the papers like I wanted him to, I wouldn't be in this predicament. Every time my lawyer sent them to his ass, they were always "returned to sender". The kicker of it all, Garrett has no clue I'm still married. I told him a boldfaced lie, when I said that it was taken care of a long time ago; like nine years to be exact. So I if want to have the marriage I want, I have to end the marriage I refuse to acknowledge.

But, if it wasn't for that competition Garrett was so enthused and disgusted about, I would have never found Edward Cullen. Edward, my _husband_ of approximately ten years, even though we only spent a year of that marriage _with _each other. Knowing he now resides in Grand Rapids makes it a little easier to find him. But I will not be fully satisfied until I get him to sign the papers weighing heavily in my carry on. I just want to move on – live the fulfilling life that I have made for myself. I want to grab it and run, but this is holding me back. He's holding me back; always a constant nagging in the back of my brain. It's like my new life is a shining beacon, guiding me to the future life I have worked hard to attain, but I'm anchored to a past I've tried hard to forget.

There are many aspects of my former life that Garrett has no idea about. I want to keep those parts in the past, where they need to belong. He doesn't need to know who I was high school, or how I grew up. I tell him all the time that my past needs to stay in the past, and that the present and future are the only things that matter. So when I was reminded of this unfinished business, I knew what I had to do. Explaining to Garrett that I wanted to go spend time with my family over the Christmas holiday was a different story. He wanted to come along and meet the folks who raised me, but I flat out refused, saying there was no need to see my old stomping grounds. Instead, I told him this visit is something I need to do for me since it's been years since I've seen them.

It seemed I was adding lies on top of lies lately.

. . . . .

Gathering my wits, I push myself to get on the puddle jumper from St. Paul to Duluth. These little planes scare the holy living Jesus out of me. It doesn't help that I'm extremely claustrophobic. Luckily it's only a forty-four minute flight. I'm guessing the constant sounds of the air pushing through the propellers hummed me into a short nap, because the next moment I knew, we were landing in the great city of Duluth.

I step out onto the tarmac, and I'm met with insane coldness. The further north you travel the windier and blistering cold it is. I do not miss this, at all. I whimper, clutching my coat around me as I make my way through the gate to retrieve the little bit of luggage I brought. Hoping I will not be here longer than a week, I packed very little to make the checking-in process easier. All he's gotta do is sign, date, and viola, I'm a free woman. What I should have been years ago.

I grab my bag from the belt and march my way over to the car rental counter. A few signatures later, I'm loading my shit into the back of the SUV. As I slide into the driver's seat, I stick the key in the ignition letting it warm up, because outside it's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra. Taking a deep breath, I type the destination into the GPS and wait for it to load and give me the directions. Thank God for Google. It gave me his address so I didn't have to spend precious time looking him. Freezing my ass off while the SUV tries to warm up, I pull my phone out of my pocket. Powering it back up I see that I have a few missed calls and numerous text messages from work. I read and delete them, then listen to the few voice messages that I received, and forward them on to where they need to go.

I scroll down to Garrett's name and connect the call. After a few rings, he breathlessly picks up.

"Isabella," he greets me, and I can tell there is a frown on his face.

"Hi baby. Just calling to let you know that I made it." I smile, missing him a shitload.

"That's great. Listen, am I going to see you for Christmas?" I can tell hewants to speed this process up andget back to his regularly scheduled life.

So to defuse the situation, I divert to what I know best. "Who knows baby, if things get crazy I may be back home before then." I laugh, continuing, "Who knows how this is going to go."

"Well, don't think bad of me when I hope things go well then. I want you home. But don't worry. I have things to pass the time."

"That's …um …good. It's only three days babe. After today, there are two more. I have to go, I have a ninety minute drive still to make, so I'll call you soon."

I smile at his antics.

"Yes. I love you." I say, feeling my heart breaking because I can't tell him the truth.

"You too, Isabella." And with that the phone disconnects.

Placing the GPS up on the dashboard and plugging the phone to the charger, I put the car in drive and follow the annoying voice to my destination.

. . . . .

What seems like days later, I'm driving up a curvy, little beaten path that is covered in snow. I hope this damn car stays in the tracks so I don't end up in the ditch. Doing so would only add to this craptastic trip because I opted out of the insurance they provide.

I know it's dumb, but I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

As I make the last left curve, I see a small house in front of me. Nothing too big, but not too small either. It's quaint, and I really hope I have the correct place. Because if I don't, and I have to turn around and drive back down that road, I'll scream. My ass is numb and my knees hurt from all the sitting I've done today. Now, I just want to find out if he's here and then return my lumpy ass back to the car, drive to the hotel, sleep, and then head home.

Pulling up into what I hope is the driveway; I step out and stretch my legs for a little bit before I look at the front porch. Usually people from here step out and greet you, but nobody has made their way out the door yet. Shrugging and shutting the car door behind me, I'm greeted by a dog that is fucking huge.

Holding my hand out so he can sniff me, I greet him. "Hi buddy." I reach around to scratch his head and he licks my hand and then proceeds to jump on me.

"Holy shit!" I scream as this behemoth of a dog knocks me into the snow and starts riding me like a cat in heat.

"Oh my god, get off me you mutt," I yell. Never have I felt so violated by an animal. I'm not into bestiality. That's some nasty shit.

When I try to get up, he knocks me back down as his dog arms are wrapped around me. He's refusing to let me go and it takes all I have to finally stand up and push the ninety pound numb-nuts away.

"Ugh." I complain. Knocking the snow off my coat and the rest of my clothes, I march my way through the snow up to the front porch. Taking a deep breath, my knuckles register with the wood of the door three times. I step back, waiting for the door to open, or at least a voice to echo from the other side. But I'm met with nothing but silence. Stepping back up, I knock again, this time a little harder. Again, nothing.

"What the hell." I say, sighing to myself as I turn and make my way down the stairs, only to be greeted by that human-humping mutt.

"Stay the hell away from me," I scold him and he backs away as if he understood me. Scanning the perimeter of the yard, I see nothing but trees and snow. I throw my hands up in the air, "Why the hell me, Lord? What the hell did I do?" I whisper. Suddenly I hear a chainsaw start up in the distance. I quickly turn to the sound as the dog takes off running in the direction of the noise.

Looking down, I figure, what the hell. I'm not leaving until I get what I came for. I walk over, throw open the car door, reach inside, and grab the stack of papers and a pen from my purse. I close the door, lock it, and start following the mutt's paw prints in the snow.

It seems as if I have been walking miles in this snow, when I finally spot a truck in the distance. My steps quicken, propelling me forward. The snow which was gently falling earlier is now falling heavier, even though I'm blanketed by thick, pine, tree cover. My steps are becoming heavy with every one I take. I don't think it's really because of the gathering snow, but because I know the man standing in the remoteness is the one I'm about to face for the first time, in nine years.

When I'm about fifty feet from him, I stop and find my ass leaning against a giant, pine tree. The chainsaw is still running and I watch him move as he cuts through the thick wood. There were a lot of times I would come out with him while he was doing this. I would watch him for hours upon hours thinking life couldn't get better than this – but apparently I was wrong. _So very wrong._

The chainsaw dies and his movements stop, and I'm honestly stunned silent. He doesn't even notice that I'm standing just mere feet behind him as he bends down and picks up a cut log and places in on the ground. He reaches over to pick up his axe, and in one fluid motion, it slices through the log like butter. I make a movement that apparently alerts the mutt and he starts barking. His voice breaks through the sounds of nature. "Charlie, would you settle down. There isn't anything out here." As he swings the axe again the sound of splitting wood echoes.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," I say, and he quickly drops the axe. When he turns to look at me, I see nothing but excitement in his eyes. But it's quickly replaced with dread.

"Bella?" He asks, sounding a little out of breath.

"Actually, it's Isabella." I smirk.

Anger flashes in his eyes as he retorts, "Oh, I see. You ran off to the big city and had to use your big girl name. I would say it's nice to see you, but you and I both know that I would be lying." He reaches down to pick up the axe and takes another swing. By his demeanor, I'm going to say he's a little mad. Well fuck it, I'm mad too.

"What I do or don't do in my life now is of no matter to you. I'm here to get you to sign the papers, like you should have done ages ago." I huff in annoyance.

"Well, look at you with your little southern accent. Just had to get away from it all didn't ya." He sneers as the axe cuts through log.

"I can see you haven't changed at all. Still being daddy's little helper? Still working for that lumber company he owns?" I make my distaste for his small-town life evident in my words.

"You have no idea what you're talking about." He swings the axe again, still not looking at me.

"Oh, you mean you actually made something of yourself? Well then, I'm mighty proud of you, Edward. Maybe leaving did ya some good then." I smile as he turns towards me with fire in his eyes.

"No, it's you – _Bella._" The fact that he is still using the abbreviation for my name grates on my nerves. "You have no clue what you're talking about. So a word to the wise, shut the hell up. What I do or don't do shouldn't concern you. Leave my family out of this." He throws my words back at me.

I push away from the tree. "Always were the little momma's boy, weren't you, Edward? You were daddy's little shadow. Let me guess, y'all still do the Sunday family dinner and shit?"

He throws the axe down in the snow, spins, and stomps in my direction. "If it would put that pretty little mind at ease and get you to shut up – my parents died, Bella. They died nine years fucking years ago. You would have known that if your ass would have stuck around now wouldn't cha. But no, Bella had to leave to go spread her wings. Of course she would! Bella had to have the best of everything." He spins to walk away but then turns back around. "You know what, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. What the hell do you want? Why in God's name Bella, after all these freaking years, are you showing up at my door? How did you even fucking find me?" His voice rising in octaves with each word he spoke.

My eyes soften when I learn about his parents. They were good people, damn good people. It's a shame to hear about their passing.

"Sign the papers," I state coolly, as my eyes harden and shoot daggers his way.

"What papers?" he asks.

"Jesus Christ, Edward. Our divorce papers?" I pull them out of my coat and wave them in his face.

"I thought that shit was done and over with?" He states. I shake my head at him.

"Every time my lawyer sent them to you, they came back, 'return to sender'." I look at him and watch as a flash of realization crosses his face.

"That wasn't a good time back then. That was when …" he coughs, "everything happened, and I guess I forgot about them. They really weren't a priority."

"Oh but they were." I reply back.

"Who? For you?" He asks, as his eyebrows crinkle together.

"Well, yeah. I wanted to move on with my life for God sakes. Who wouldn't?"

He turns to go back over to the logs and splits a couple more before adding them to the already large load in the back of his truck.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm leaving. I've got shit to do." He closes the tailgate on his truck before he makes his way around to the cab, wrenching the door open, then slamming it shut.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I yell as he leans over and rolls down the window.

He smirks at me. "Ole' and Lena's." He laughs, "The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, I have decided to give your wife eight hundred a month for support. Ole replies back. Vell, dat's fine, Judge. And vunce in a while I'll try ta chip in a few bucks myself." He starts to roll up his window.

"Very funny, Edward. What about the damn papers? Just sign the damn things and I'll get out of your hair." I scream as the window stops.

"Eh, nice to see you still have your northern roots, ya know. But um …yeah, speaking of that, you might want to get on the road to wherever you're going. There's a blizzard coming, don't cha know." He laughs and continues rolling the window up.

My anger is getting the best of me as I scream out, "Sign the damn papers." I see him laughing as he starts up the truck and shifts it into drive. He pulls away from me quickly as I throw the papers at the back of retreating truck.

_Bastard!_

EPOV

I hit the steering wheel in frustration as I hear the words drift from my lips to nobody in particular. "Who the hell does she think she is?"

I mean, it's been _years_ since I've seen her.

The only thing I remember is her constantly sending that damn manila envelope over and over again. I continued to put 'return to sender' all over the offending package. It should be my decision on whether or not to grant the divorce. It wasn't my fault she left in the middle of the night to scurry off to God knows where, and with who knows who. She left _me_ dammit. After all the shit that was going on at the time, she left me to my own devices to deal with everything. No note, no reasoning, nothing. _Nothing! _When I needed her, she abandoned me.

So for her to come and find me like she did, it's nervy and takes balls. I mean, fuck, I guess she must have had them way back when, to leave her husband to go and discover the world like some Christopher Columbus wannabe. Well, she's not getting what she wants now. I'm done doing shit to make her happy, have been for a long time. I hope she finds her way back from wherever she came from and stays there. I want her to wallow in misery like I did. I'm not giving in to her demands. She screwed up my life and I am hell-bent on damaging hers.

As I pull into Sven's driveway I notice that the snow is falling even harder now, making me want to hurry and get this done. I can't help but want to make sure that the elderly in this town are taken care of. Sven has no family; he's basically outlived them all. His children have all moved away, down south. I don't think I have ever seen one of them check on their father or visit him, which saddens my heart. Pushing a horrid thought out of my head, I step out of the truck and open the tailgate.

When I hop up into the bed, I hear his voice come from the porch, "Edward, bless you son." I hear the smile in his voice.

"No problem, Sir. Just want to make sure you're warm as this blizzard passes through, ya know." I smile back at him as I quickly gather up the logs and hop off the tailgate.

"I wish I could help you. This old man body holds me back more than you know." His face is saddened and I quickly tell him it's no bother.

I just hope when I'm a lonely, old man sitting by my fireplace, there is someone that would take care of me when my unable body isn't doing what I want it to.

. . . . .

When I finally finish unloading the wood, some in his home, the other on his porch, I look out across the yard and it seems like another ten inches has fallen as I worked.

"Fuck," I whisper to myself as I track through the mound of snow to my truck.

The wind is whipping like crazy, making the snow drift. I throw open the door quickly and sit inside. Cranking the ignition, I wonder if Bella made it out okay.

_Wait – it's Isabella now._

As if that makes everything different, and better in her tiny, conceded life. Pushing that thought from my head, I wonder if there is someone else out there that she belongs to and should be worried about her safety. Someone other than her, well, husband. I place the truck in drive but unfortunately it doesn't move but maybe a couple of inches. The snow must be getting too high for the tires to get over it. I try the reverse/drive method only to move a couple more inches.

"Dammit, dammit – dammit." I yell as I open the door and run as quickly as I can up the porch steps to ask Sven if I can leave my truck here until the storm blows over. Knowing I'm going to be stranded here unless I take off back to my house, which thankfully is only about a mile away. I button up my coat and pull out the stocking cap from my pocket placing it on my head as I begin the trek back.

_Could this day get any shittier?_

. . . . .

I am almost home and thoughts are constantly running through my head as Christmas is just two days away. Christmas Eve is tomorrow, and it's such a shitty time of year for me. It brings up memories that I try to hold onto, but I'd also rather forget.

It brings to mind when I lost both my parents on a slick-ass road, covered in snow. They were trying to visit me and spend time with me for Christmas. I was in a deep depression at the time from Bella leaving. They wanted to try and comfort me, again, on another Christmas. I wasn't in the mood and I actually yelled at them saying it wasn't necessary for them to be driving in the weather we were having. But my mother, being the ever persistent person she was, said family should always be together, no matter the circumstance.

That was the last time I spoke to my mother and father. The last time I heard my mother laugh and my father's boisterous voice was filtered through a phone. They died on impact as they rounded a curve and headed straight for the trees in their path. My world ended; crashed and burned that Christmas Eve night. I didn't know why God was punishing me. First, with all things that happened with Bella, and then my parents. I didn't understand it then, and I still don't understand it now.

I see my home come into view as well as the stupid sporty SUV.

"Dammit." I huff as I see it rocking back and forth. I laugh to myself as I stand there watching the scene in front of me. _I guess she hasn't retained some of these northern roots after all. _She should know better than try this shit – it isn't going to work.

My feet start carrying me toward her as I make my way to the snow-covered car, quickly pulling the door open, startling her.

"It's not going to work, numb-nuts." I laugh at her, as she scowls at me.

"Get the hell out of my way Edward." She grits out through her teeth and I can tell she's frustrated as all hell, and it makes me laugh harder.

"What the hell are you laughing at? Huh? Think this is funny? Well, it's not. All I'm trying to do is get the hell away from you," she cries out in that southern accent.

"Yeah, that's your M.O." I chuckle some more.

"Well, fuck-tard, if you wouldn't have left me out in bum fuck Egypt and given me a ride back to my car instead of making me channel my inner abominable snowman, I would have made it out of here before this shit took over. We don't have this crap in North Carolina for God sakes." She huffs.

"Oh, so you're living in the Appalachians." I smile.

"You betcha." She mocks.

"It's cold, Bella. Get out of the car. The only thing you're going to accomplish is a fucked up transmission." I say with a straight face, and I see fire in her eyes as she turns to me.

"Go to hell." She breathes out the words through her nose as I notice her chest rising and falling.

"Been living it for the past nine years, so shut up and get out of this stupid thing they call a four wheel drive vehicle." I laugh and that seems to egg her on more.

"Leave me alone!" Her voice rising as she tries to shut the door, only to be blocked by my body.

"You're going to freeze to death Bella." I start to become inpatient because my toes are numb and my jeans are now wet from the snow swirling higher and higher around me.

"It's Isabella, not Bella, remember? I'm not your _Bella_ anymore. Why can't you understand that? Why can't you get it through your thick skull that I'm over this?" She says, as she gestures between us. "Our so called marriage was over years ago?" She expels the rest of her breath. "Just let it go, Edward. Why is that so hard to do?" She asks. And in a way it makes my heart ache. I find myself still wanting to make her happy, to do the things that will please her. I don't know why, but it's frustrating me that my heart is overriding my mind, and it makes me feel unsteady. I don't need this complication in my life.

"Just get out and come inside before you freeze to death. Not that I would care or anything, but just stop being stubborn and conceded for once in your life." I huff out as she lets out a sigh, but complying with my wishes.

"Will you help me get my bag out of the back please? It's not much, but seeing as I'm still clumsy, it might be better if you're able to grab it." As she speaks, I see the snow completely swallow her one leg and then the other. I move to the back of the car and see a tiny little bag barely taking up any room. I grab it, shut the hatch, and I look over to see her holding her cell phone in the air.

I laugh as I pass her. "Good luck finding reception. It isn't going to happen."

I hear a muted, "Fuck" as she follows me through the rising snow with Charlie on our heels waiting to get out of the cold.

I push open the door, and hold my arm gesturing for her to enter before I do. She steps into the house and I drop her bag by the door.

"Wow, you made yourself something real nice, Edward. What a home." She deadpans, and it pisses me off.

"Home is where your heart is," I mutter. She took my heart with her, wherever she went.

How dare she make fun of where I'm living? What's funny about this whole damn thing is this is what she told me she wanted a long time ago. Back when we were married and happy, before all that tragedy happened.

She wanted a two-story home, white siding with green shutters, and a half wrap around porch, set deep in the woods. I was hoping that when I took over my father's lumber business I would be able to buy one for her. Well she left, and I thought that if she was to come back, it would be waiting for her.

Well here it is, she's back and doesn't have the faintest memory of what she wanted. She's probably living in some stupid mansion in the south. Probably has maids and groundkeepers to do her dirty work for her. Who the hell knows? She's a stuck-up person now. I wonder if she even remembers anything that happened all those years ago. I wonder if she even thinks about that anymore.

I slam the door and pass by her quickly, the anger still pulsing through my veins. "Well I would say make yourself at home, but that would be a lie now, wouldn't it. Since you clearly think this place is nothing but a hole. But the funny part, _Isabella,_ this is what you wanted. You asked for all this." I sneer as I turn and stomp upstairs, unable to look at her face. I'm tired of it.

If God is punishing me, he's doing a damn good job of it.

. . . . .

Day turned to night, and then into morning as I remained seated on the edge of my bed. Bella managed to find the spare bedroom, and I heard the door open and click shut last night as my restless mind wouldn't allow me to sleep.

Questions kept swirling in my mind as I tried to figure out what the problem was.

What did I do wrong all those years ago?

What could I have done to keep her here?

Did she believe that what happened that day was my fault because she couldn't get in touch with me at the yard?

It wasn't, but did she realize that?

If I had known she felt that way, would I have gone away with her? Gone someplace she wanted to go instead of staying here? Yes, I would have. _Without a doubt_. At one time _…at that time,_ Bella was my life, my whole world. Deep in my heart, I know it's still the truth, but my head is screaming at me, telling me that this is a bad situation, and that I should just let her go on her merry way.

Before I know it, my thoughts have taken me into the evening, as the snow continues to fall. I hear the strong wind as it blows across the windows, making a whistling sound. I push myself up I quickly take a shower and get dressed, even though in another couple of hours I'll go back to pretending to sleep.

When I march downstairs, the smell of a home cooked meal assaults my senses, and it reminds me of what life was like, back then. I feel tears prick my eyes and I will them back. Stepping into the kitchen I see Bella turn around with a dish in her hand.

"I made a hot dish for dinner. I figured something warm would be nice, since it's freezing outside." She looks down at the plate in her hand, her demeanor completely different than the night before.

"Looks good." I say as she sets it on the table.

"It was an old recipe I remembered, but I haven't made it in years." She chuckles and sits down, grabs the plate I'm guessing is for me, and spoons the food on it, setting it back down in front of me.

I mutter, "Thanks" and move to stand next to the counter.

"Why aren't you sitting at the table?" she asks in confusion, as she tilts her head to the side to take in where I'm standing.

I'm looking at what she's made, and it was my favorite, tater tot hot dish. She knows this.

_What the fuck is she trying to prove?_ I ask myself this as I inspect the ground beef, veggies, tater tots and cheese – suddenly finding them interesting.

"Dinner tables are for families, Bella." I mutter out, as I take a bite not caring if it's hot as hell.

She barks out a laugh, "don't be ridiculous Edward, that's stupid. And anyway, it's just a rickety old table," she says shaking the table a little bit.

"Shut up about the table!" I yell. "That was my mother's, if you had the decency to remember." I snarl out the words as I shove bite after bite of the hotdish in my mouth. I am seriously holding back a moan, because it's been entirely too long since I've had a home, cooked meal.

After a few minutes, her annoying voice pops back in. "You don't even have a Christmas tree." I look up and she is perusing the living room space with a scowl on her face. "How do you even celebrate the holiday? Sit here by your lonesome in front of the fireplace?" She asks shaking her head.

I throw the plate into the sink, running the water over it. I can't believe I'm even entertaining this crazy obnoxious idea. I walk over to the front door, stepping into my boots. I'm thankful they have at least dried off overnight. Throwing on my coat, picking up my gloves, and the flashlight, I whistle out.

"Come on Charlie." My dog quickly runs down the stairs and out into the snow. I step out slamming the door shut behind me as I walk off in search of a damn Christmas tree for her. I find myself following the old pattern of "whatever Bella wants, Bella gets" and it honestly pisses me off.

"She wants a tree? I'll give her a tree." I say to nobody in particular, as I open the shed door and pull out my axe, turning to close the door behind me.

After what seemed like eons, I march back up my front steps throwing open the front door. It bounces off the wall behind it before it slowly starts closing. I see a terrified Bella standing in the entryway to the kitchen with my phone to her ear. "I'm going to have to call you back."

She rushes out as I turn and look around the living room, searching for a spot to put this shitty ass tree. Yes, I picked out the worst one I could find. She's made another Christmas crap for me, so it seemed fitting. I see a spot in the corner against the far wall.

Snow is dripping off of me, falling to the floor as my boots leave a wet trail in their wake to my destination. Not bothering to even shake the remnants of snow off the tree, I throw it into the corner. I turn and smile at Bella as I see her grimacing at the tree.

"You wanted a damn tree, well now you got one. Beggars can't be choosers, eh?" I smile again, as I throw my coat over the chair and stomp upstairs.

Not in the mood to deal with anymore of her bullshit, I push open my bedroom door and slam it shut. Moving over to my bed, I sit down and reach under my pillow for the only consistent item in my life. My fingers run over the aging thread, over and over until I find myself calming down. As I lie down, I stare at the ceiling; wondering where in the hell I went wrong so many years ago with Bella.

BPOV

"Jesus Christ almighty, where in the hell did he find this god-awful tree?" I whisper into the darkened room. The fireplace and the filtering light from the kitchen are the only source of light illuminating this pitiful looking thing in the corner.

I turn to flip on a lamp, before taking in the room again. My eyes fall on the Christmas tree or whatever you call that monstrosity in the corner. When I walk over, I reach out and touch the branches and the smell of pine propels me back to last night, and the box I found in the closet.

I had gone looking for an extra blanket, and the simple, wooden box was on the top shelf. With shaky hands I pulled it from the shelf and looked at it. There were no markings, just a simple, pine box, and I could still detect a faint whiff of the pine. I had no idea what I would find encased inside it.

I could tell that it has been handled quite frequently, as there was a worn groove on the top as if someone ran their fingers over it repeatedly. When I flipped it open, my old life flashed before my eyes and they immediately filled with tears. My hands were shaking so bad I almost dropped the damn thing. Flipping the top back open again, I found a velvet box. Instantly I knew what lay inside, but I had to know for sure.

When I pulled open the top, the springs from the hinge protested a bit, as the light from the closet shined on the tiny diamond I knew to be my engagement ring. Well, it wasn't all that tiny, but it was still beautiful. Lying next to it was my wedding band, and another band I deemed as Edward's. Picking his up, I ran my finger through it, twisting it between my fingers before I gently placed it back in its velvet home. Closing the lid I put it back in the box and look at what else was inside.

Inspecting further, I discovered it was basically a small box of our life together. My gut twisted painfully at the idea that he still had pieces of our old life when I did not. There were pictures of us from when we were younger; prom pictures, and wedding photos. They made me smile for just a little while until the next set of pictures made my heart stop.

My hand trembled when I picked up one that Edward had taken of me the day we found out we were pregnant. My eyes blurred even more as the memories of that day flooded my mind. My heart begged me to close this box of heartache, but my soul thirsted for this lost connection. I smiled when I found the rest of the photos. Each week he would make me stand sideways and snap a photo of my growing stomach. Flipping through them, I felt tears slide down my cheeks, remembering all those happy times. But then the pictures ended, and horror filled those once happy times. I pushed those recollections aside, not wanting to deal with them right now.

Moving things around in the box, I came across the newspaper clipping of what I'm guessing is the story about the death of his parents. Reading through the journalists' point of view, a new set of emotions was brought forth. Even though I never see my parents, I couldn't imagine losing them both at the same time, in the same day.

I feel my heart aching as I look at the date on which the article was written, and it honest to God feels like this is a box of shame. They passed away almost a year to the date of – no I can't say it – it brings memories to the forefront that I'm still not able to deal with. I wasn't able to cope with them back then and I certainly can't now. All that happened was the reason why I ran away. I'm not a strong person, and I couldn't be that somebody for Edward…that somebody he needed.

I slept in the closet last night, bundled in blankets, holding onto the box that contained my past life…the one I would rather forget. But somehow, one that I'm finding myself wanting back.

Edwards voice from above pulls me away from my memories.

"If you are feeling like Martha, the decorations are stored in the basement." And with that his door slammed back shut, I jump, startled by the abrupt disturbance. Taking in a deep breath, I move to what is the basement door, flicking on the light and proceeding down the stairs. I actually find the boxes quickly and I haul them upstairs, one by one.

. . . . .

It doesn't take too long for the living room to look like a Better Homes and Gardens magazine. I start to pick up the boxes to take them back to the basement, and when I pick up the last box, I hear something inside it slide across the bottom. They say that curiosity killed the cat, so I set it down and open the flaps, only for it to reveal a lonely ornament at the bottom, someone covered by paper.

"Hmm, I guess I forgot one," I whisper to the dead air around me. When I reach down and pick it up, my world tilts on its axis.

I feel my legs carrying me backwards as my heels hit the bottom of the coffee table. I sit down and dangle the tiny pink ornament on my finger, as my other hand reaches around to pull my jacket around me tighter. The emotions are bubbling up inside of me – tears are burning my eyes as I look over the dainty pink ornament with little diamonds and bows. The delicate writing on it reads _Baby's First Christmas_. Slowly, I turn on the coffee table to face the fireplace. My body feels cold even though I feel the warmth of the fire.

I don't realize how long I've been sitting in the same position holding onto the ornament for dear life when I hear a soft voice behind me. "Elliott …or Ellie …would have been nine this Christmas."

I nod, even though a fire burns through me, the truth of his statement that I have tried so hard to forget, but never have. I've lived with that disappointment, I still do.

"You think I don't know that?" I spit out, venom lacing my voice for some reason unknown. The need to lash out and unload this burden of pain overwhelms me.

"Well, I'm just stating the obvious Bella." He finishes coming down the stairs. Who knows how long he's been there, staring at me. At the moment I don't care. Every emotion is coming out of me and I know I shouldn't direct it at him, it wasn't his fault that we lost her, or better yet – I lost her. I'm the one who lost the baby.

"I live with it every day, Edward. It may not seem like it, but dammit I do. It's the very reason for doing what I did. Why I left here. Why I couldn't stay." Anger bubbles just under the surface. Memories of holding my twenty-five week old stillborn daughter, moments after rush through me. I turn to look at Edward, seeing fire in his eyes, certain mine hold the same look.

"Why? I'll tell you why. It's because you're fucking selfish Bella. For the past decade I have sat and wondered what the hell I've done wrong." He points a finger at his chest, heaving with emotions. "Why you fucking left without notice. If there was something I could have done to prevent you from leaving. But, I've come up with nothing, Bella. NOTHING!" he yells.

I feel myself shrink back, having never heard him ever raise his voice to me. His entire body is vibrating with anger and sadness.

"You think it was easy to leave? You think it was some kind of weight off my shoulders to leave you here? It fucking wasn't, god dammit. It broke my heart. There were a lot of things that broke my heart…" A strangled sob swallowed the rest of my words, as the tears I have been able to keep at bay until now, begin flowing down my face as I continue my rant.

"Your heart? It broke _your_ heart? Oh come on? Did you ever take into consideration mine?" His loud voice echoes through the house.

"That's why I left! I couldn't look at you!" I sob out. "I couldn't look at the disappointment on your face. The emotions that poured out of your soul – seeing what my body did to you. I couldn't look at you and see how I crushed your world." My breaths are harsh, my chest heaving, and I feel like I can't breathe. Saying them out loud makes them more real than thinking them in my head.

"_You_ were my world, Bella," he screams out.

I shake my head at him, not wanting to acknowledge the words he is saying, because truth be told, he always put me first. _Always._

"When we lost Ellie – my heart broke. It broke because you were broken, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. It broke for the little girl that I would never see again in her mothers' arms. You broke me Bella, you broke me." His entire demeanor looks defeated.

Tears are streaming down his face as his voice falters on the last words he spoke as he quickly moves across the floor to stand just mere inches in front of me. I try to take a step back, but the table refuses to let me. My eyes are down, looking at the floor. The realization that he still cares for me hits me hard as my body racks with uncontrollable sobs.

I can't bear to look at him in the eyes, so I try to shield my emotions from him. I hear him breathing; I feel the heat from his body, he is so close to me. I feel everything again and it scares me. His tears have stopped but his anger pushes through.

"You left me! God dammit you left _me_." He yells again. "We could have tried again; we could have made that decision _together._ But no, you made that decision for the both of us. Is this all because I wasn't reachable when it happened? Huh?" I shake my head at him, his rant continues, "I was trying to be there for you when you needed me, but where were you when I needed my wife. You're still my fucking wife, Bella." He sneers as he grabs my chin to pull it up to look at him. I see fury, hurt, disappointment, and love in his eyes. It's still there – the love that's always shown.

"Don't, Edward. Please don't do …" my words are cut off by his lips pressing against mine. My hands rise to his chest to push him away, but his arms encase my body, pulling me closer.

When he pulls away his eyes peer deeply into mine. "It's still there, I know you feel it." He presses his lips to mine again.

I do feel it, I feel everything. All at once, all over again, but I don't want to admit it.

"No, I don't." Unable to look in his eyes again I find a spot on the wall to focus on.

"Bullshit." He whispers, moving his head so I look at him. His hands still roams over my body leaving a fiery trail.

"I don't, Edward. I can't go down this path again." I know I'm lying through my teeth, but it's hard to admit to myself that after all these years, there is a fire burning for this man.

He pulls me closer, his lips moves over my neck, to the shell of my ear. It's like he still knows how to play my body. My head hates hit, but my body arches into his touches, begging for more.

"Give me one night, Bella. One night," he whispers teasingly into my ear.

I shake my head. "I can't. I'm committed to someone else." Again, it's another lie because Garrett is the furthest thought from my mind right now.

"You're right. You're committed to me and I have the papers to prove it," he chuckles lightly, as I feel his hands running up and down my sides slowly.

"It doesn't matter." I try to fight my heart that wants to give in, so I uselessly try to push back one more time. "I'm with someone back home."

He laughs darkly, "this is your home. It's everything you dreamed of." I know he's right. It's perfect, right down to the last board and spindle.

"One night, Bella. One night," he pleads. His body holding me captive, I have nowhere to escape. "If it's not want you want, I'll sign the papers and you can be on your merry way." He pulls back, his eyes pleading with mine. I see lust, desire, and need swirling in his eyes.

I was always helpless against his desire. I give into it as my lips crash to his. His response is delayed, probably because my actions are sudden. He wants one night? I'll give it to him, and the girl I used to be. Hoping against hope that it will give us both the closure we need.

With every kiss and nibble of his lips, I slip deeper into the pool of molten need. I've never felt this with Garret, and it scares and titillates me. My lips move with wild abandon against his. A moan escapes me when I realize I'm being picked up by the backs of my thighs. My back suddenly hits a wall; pictures are sliding down, crashing to the floor. Edward's mouth doesn't falter as it descends to my neck and moves to bite and nip on my collarbone. The feel of his scruff against my skin sends me into overdrive. I don't realize how much I missed him until this moment.

"Oh God, Edward." I breathe out.

"I've missed you, Bella," he mumbles. His fingers work at the bottom of my sweater.

I want to say that I have as well, but I can't speak, I can only feel every inch of him, pressed against every inch of me. My shirt is whipped over my head as he holds me against the wall with his hips pressing into my already hot center. My body acts on its own accord and grinds into him as he groans. He reaches behind me to undo my bra and I feel him fumbling.

Not wanting to break the spell we're under, I reach between us to grab his shirt and pull it off.

"Sorry," he whispers against my feverish skin.

I smooth a hand over his cheek. "It's okay. We have all night."

He looks up and I'm lost in his the vast depth of his eyes. At this moment, I sense his vulnerability and I am humbled in his trust. "It's been a long time since I've been with someone." His confession makes me pause.

"Are you telling me that you haven't…?" I don't need to finish, because he quickly shakes his head.

"No. It's only ever been you." He says gently while looking into my eyes. All I see is the truth. I also see the love he still has for me, and it makes me feel inadequate. Here I am, living a separate life while he's been living in the same diluted one for years.

I reach up and run my fingers through his hair. His fingers are still on my bra as his eyes close. His head falls forward into my hands.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. With that said, he quickly looks up at me, tears shining in his eyes.

I reach back and move his hands away as I unlatch my bra and throw it to the floor. "One night, Edward," I whisper, while he nods. Taking the reins, I pull his head closer to my mouth, our heated breaths mixing while my lips gently nip at his unmoving mouth.

When he finally gives in, there is a change in his demeanor, it's desperate and unrestrained. He moves so that he is no longer supporting me against the wall. I slide down his body and feel every hard inch of it. When my feet touch down, he pressed me back and he slowly kisses down my neck to my breasts. I close my eyes against the sensations coursing through my body.

He kneads one of my breasts with one hand while he presses his warm lips over my tightened nipple, savoring it before he switches sides. His hands are in constant contact with my skin, running his calloused hands down my back, over my sides, anywhere his hands can touch.

He reaches my jeans and with nimble fingers, the button is undone and they're sliding down over my hips to the floor.

My body needs more.

"More, Edward." I run my fingers through his hair hoping to spur him to where I want him to go.

"I'm taking my time. All night, remember?" He whispers against my hipbone. His lips move slowly from side to side. His fingers play with the waistband of my panties before they grab them and pull them slowly off.

I hear a muted moan from Edward as his nose nuzzles my pussy. I feel him take a deep breath. "Tell me you want it. I need to know…"

I cut him off with my fingers as they dig into his hair, pulling him closer to where I need him. It must have been enough because I feel his nose run up my slit, his tongue following behind it. My hips thrust forward with abandon. I want more. I can't help the moan that leaves my mouth when I feel him open me up to take a hard lick on my clit. He follows it up with a gentle suck, his teeth nibble, and lips savor what I give him.

My knees start to buckle but Edward's hand comes up and places one leg over his shoulder. He wraps one arm around my waist while his other hand goes to my ass, holding my pussy at eyelevel. His tongue, mouth, and teeth are working me over. It's been a long time since anyone has done this to me, made me feel this way. I'm crying out like a wonton whore as his tongue slips deeper into me, only to repeat the motion over and over.

He breathes hotly against my center. "Let go Bella. For me, just let go."

I give in to everything I feel. Reaching out, I grab the door frame and with my other hand the window sill. My body gives in and I ride his face uncontrollably. Pleasure washes over my body and I ride each wave. My clit is getting marked by the stubble that adorns his face. I hear him moan as I come hard. When he spreads me open with one hand and the other slips inside me, he finds that spot. I scream out with another orgasm, my pussy tightens around his fingers.

He removes his fingers when the last pulse races through my body. I watch as he licks them clean and I don't want to miss out on the fun. He moves to lower me to the floor, but before he can do anything else, I shake my head.

"It's your turn." I smile sheepishly at him as my hand reaches out to find the button on his jeans. But he suddenly stops me from continuing.

"No, not tonight. I want this to be about you. I want to show you …make you …see how much I still care about you." He says this while not looking at me.

I pull my hand back as if it's been burned by a fire. Mutely I watch as he stands and sheds his jeans, leaving him in only his boxer briefs. It's then that I notice this is not the same boy I married. The lankiness I remembered from the past is now muscles and sinew. My eyes trace the planes of his body and I long to trace the new contours with my tongue. He's grown into one hell of a man.

"Swinging an axe has done well for you," I say giggling, trying to rid the tension in the room. It works because he chuckles at me as he lies down next to me.

The fireplace behind him gives off a warm glow. He gently covers my body with his own, using his knees to separate my legs. His hips come in contact with mine and I instinctively thrust my hips upward seeking some kind of friction. His head lowers closer to my own, his eyes conveying every emotion. I'm feeling them also. I reach down to pull his boxers down, using my toes to get them down his legs. He kicks them off and settles back over me, the tip of his cock resting at my entrance.

He kisses me hard yet gentle at the same time. I pour everything into the kiss, knowing this will be the last time I'll ever see him or be with him.

I move my hips upward which causes him to slip into me, but he quickly pulls back. His eyes shine with unshed tears. His head drops to my neck, nose nuzzling deeper into me. I feel him breathe me in as he whispers in my ear.

"I'll always love you, Bella. I don't know what I did to make you leave, but I'm sorry. I just want you to know …" He cuts off and I feel tears sliding down my shoulder.

"I'm sorry too," I reply, running my hands through his hair. My eyes tear up and I know something is changing and I don't want to acknowledge it. To distract me, I wrap my legs around him, heels pushing him into me, silently telling him to move and he does.

Slow and steady until I feel him fully in me. I haven't felt this way in so many years, never with Garrett, or with anyone. His pace is maddening; slow, sure, and deep. I feel as if he surrounds me and I realize I'm unable to hold off my rising feelings. Trying to steady myself, I breathe out his name. His only reaction is to thrust harder, as if he's marking himself onto my body.

"Oh God, Edward, you're driving me crazy," I hiss out, my legs tighten around him in the hope he moves quicker, but it doesn't help.

"It's been a long time, just bear with me. I know, I should be slower …Bella …I just fucking need you too much." He reaches down with both hands to grab my ass. Without warning he pumps faster and deeper, and I can feel his needs as I watch his body flex and move by the light of the fire. Our loud grunts of pleasure send my body into overdrive. I'm not thinking about anything else in this moment. It's him and me, together. That's all.

My body is quick to meet his every stroke and his cock hits the spot deep inside me. I can't help the words that fall from my lips. I don't know if it's the fireplace that's heating my body or the passion I feel with his every push, kiss, whimper, and moan. My nails run down his back, causing him to propel into me harder. And I remembered that was a turn on for him, the harder he felt my nails the better. So I do it again, and his back tighten as do his hands on my ass, pulling my body so he could go deeper and harder.

"Fuck, Bella, so wet," he says and I know he's close by the trembling of his body. It's just another thing I'm remembering. I used to love when his body trembled as he tried to hold off his orgasm.

"You're close aren't you?" He asks, and I nod, pulling his body closer to mine. I need the closeness. One of his hands moves from my ass to my clit, to rub quick, hard circles over and over again.

"Cum, Bella," he commands. I feel him bite down into the flesh where my shoulder meets my neck. My insides explode around his hard cock. He's not far behind as I feel it twitching inside me.

"Ed …ward," I stutter out. My pussy clenches, not wanting to let him go. He's continues rubbing my clit as I fall over that blissful cliff again, only this time he follows me.

He grabs me tightly while his erratic thrusts work me over again. I feel him thrust into me deeply as his cock pulsates and explicit words fall from his lips.

"You will never know just how much …how I still … just …there aren't enough words." He says, as he tries to cycle air back into his lungs. The only thing I can do is lie there looking up at the man that once owned my heart. If I want to be truthful with myself, he still does.

"I think I do," I say back to him. His body covers my own; his weight feels comforting and safe. He moves to get up, but I hold him back down, not ready to give up the feeling. His forehead comes to rest on mine as he kisses my nose, before he sighs roughly.

I feel content. Maybe it's the fact that what Edward and I had is finally going to be over. Or maybe it's the fact that I'm where I am… where I should be. I wasn't sure which, and it confused me.

"I need to put more logs on the fire," he says. Before he stands though, he kisses me on the lips. I feel a smile pulling at mine as he pulls back. I'm instantly cold, probably from the sweat that covers my body as it hits the chilled air. I stand up, move to his sofa, and pull a quilt from the back of it. I wrap it around my body and sit on the couch with my legs tucked underneath me, admiring the naked view in front of me.

When he turns around, I see sadness in his eyes, but they light up when I hold open the quilt that's warming my naked body. He pulls me to stand as he takes the quilt from around me, and sits down. Next thing I know, I'm being pulling into his lap with the blankets fluttering around our bodies. He tucks in the edges, encasing our bodies in a cocoon.

"Thank you," he whispers as I look up at him.

"You're welcome," I yawn as he pulls me closer to him.

. . . . .

I guess I fell asleep in his arms last night. I don't remember much, but I do remember the cold air against my bare skin as he moved me to lie down on the couch. I recall warm lips on my cheeks with whispered words of love against them. I also remember feeling wetness hitting my face as my hair was being brushed away from my face. I thought I was dreaming, but I as I woke alone and stretched out on the couch, I knew I hadn't.

I stretch and move around, holding the quilt close to my body, and I notice the fire has almost burned out, but it still gives a bit of warmth. Looking around I also notice that my clothes are still thrown haphazardly around the room, but Edward's aren't there. It's eerily quiet in the house. I stand and look around and that's when I notice the papers sitting on the coffee table, signed and dated. There's also a little note beside them that reads, "Merry Christmas."

My body for some reason starts to close in on itself. This is what I wanted, so why in the hell is there a burning pit inside of me that feels like water has just been thrown on it. For some reason I'm sad, and I feel loneliness creep up inside of me. I gather up my clothes, methodically sliding each into to place. I chance a glance outside, and that is when I see a tractor sitting beside my rental. The sun is shining brightly off of the snow causing me to squint, but I can see that the driveway has been plowed.

"Well, son of a bitch," I mutter to myself. In that moment I realize that this is Edwards's way of letting me go.

_Merry Christmas to me!_

EPOV

I'm lonely.

Sad.

Pathetic.

If you want to get down to it.

I woke up Christmas morning with a ton of hope in my heart. I came back into the living room, stopped by her sleeping form to push stray hair away from her face and kissed her. My eyes overflowed with tears, so I moved to the other side of the room, taking a seat in the old worn out chair. I signed the papers with a shaky hand, knowing I was basically selling myself to the devil. My life was held in her hands when she woke up. I got dressed quickly, pulled the tractor out, and plowed the path to her freedom. The roads were clear as I made the short journey to Sven's house to retrieve my truck from where I had left it. I was hoping to be back before Bella woke up, but in a way I didn't want to.

After that night, I hoped things would be different. I hoped she wouldn't leave. In fact, I was hoping she would have stayed. I wished that she would have seen the love that I had for her. How I wanted her to stay and not return to North Carolina. I wanted her to throw those damn papers in the damn fire and say "fuck it". I left her with two options, hoping she would choose me.

When I was making my way back home, I passed an SUV that looked identical to hers. I turned around to see if my eyes were playing tricks on me, but it was around the corner before I had a chance to check. When I pulled up to the house, her SUV wasn't there.

Her decision was made.

Bella was gone once again… without so much as a goodbye.

So here I stand out in the desolate woods a week later, chopping and cutting wood, feeling disgusted with myself. It is New Year's Eve, and once again I'm alone, for the tenth year in a row.

_Oh, I know, big surprise. _

It's been a week, and I'm completely miserable. I know now that I let the best thing in my life get away from me. I always tried to make her happy, no matter what. Even if the price of her happiness was at the expense of my own. With my choice to sign my name to the dotted line, I sealed _my_ fate, but made _her_ happy. And the crazy shit is - I would do it over again.

There was another storm coming that was going to bring in more snow than last week's, so I had some shit to do. I won't have time after the first of the year, when the company starts back up. I always give my employees time to spend with their families. I look at my watch, and see I have about twenty minutes of daylight left; I throw the last remaining logs into the back of my truck and shut the tailgate. "Charlie, come on," I yell. I whistle for him, but I see he's running towards the house, for some strange reason.

I jump in the cab, start it up, and drive through the snow covered paths. When I pull up to the house, there is an unfamiliar car sitting in the driveway. I drive past it and begin to back up close to the porch. Using my mirrors, I maneuver close, and as I apply the brake, the lights illuminate a figure and my heart immediately starts pounding. I throw the truck in park, fling open the door, and jump out of the cab quickly.

"Bella?" My voice is shaky, never expecting to see her again.

"Hi, Edward," She says quietly. That's when I take notice of the entire slew of luggage and paraphernalia that's surrounding her.

"What are you doing here?" I question, because I don't understand. Why she is standing on my porch? She left last week, papers and all. She finally got what she wanted.

"Um …" she stutters, "I came …home." She looks at me with tears threatening to spill out of her eyes.

"I don't understand. I thought you got what you wanted?" I'm so confused.

She slowly comes down the steps to stand right in front of me. That's when I notice she's holding a clear bag, with shredded bits of paper in it.

"I did get what I wanted." She takes a moment and looks up at me with tears streaming down her face. I pull off my gloves, tucking them in my pocket. My thumbs are quick to wipe away those tears, and she leans into my hands that are now holding her face. "I got answers. Apparently you left an open fire in my heart that just wouldn't burn out." She says quietly.

"Okay, so what's in the bag then? Confetti?" I try to make a joke but it falls on deaf ears.

She shakes her head and hands me the bag. "It's our divorce papers."

"The divorce papers? But I thought …I signed them like you …" My words are coming out choppy as my heart is about to beat out of my chest. The possibility of what this means, is too much for me to comprehend.

"Can I come home?" She sobs out. I can't help but drop the bag and reach out, pulling her tightly to me. My mind processes her words and their meaning. I don't realize that I'm crying or had dropped to my knees in the snow until I feel her gentle thumbs pushing tears away.

"Oh God, Bella. I love you, always have, and always will." I say kissing her finally.

She pulls back from my lips. "I love you, too. Happy New Year, Edward." She smiles, glowing.

Yes, it's for sure going to be a happy year.

And a happy new life….

_You betcha._

* * *

**Thanks for reading! MUAH!**


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